Today is almost unbearable for me! I am so lost without you dear mama! So very lost! If there is anything that I can take from this positive it would be......hold the one's you love as close as you can without breaking them! You cannot have them back once they are gone. Memories are wonderful, but they can never replace holding someones hand and feeling their touch, nor can they replace loving words or the wisdom of a mother nor the love of your mother!
If I would have known that the last time I heard your voice, it would have actually been the last time, I would have told you more times how precious you were to me, how much I valued you and how glad I was that you were in my life and that I was your daughter and how blessed that made me feel more than I did! I would have held you longer and never let you go! I would have not been so upset about the trivial stuff and listened closer to your heart! I did all those things but I still feel as if it wasn't enough! I should have been there at that very moment and I wasn't, I wasn't!!!! I know you forgive me, I know I have to forgive me! That is the part that is causing my very soul to feel such anguish!
You are in my dreams, you are in my prayers and you are in my heart and I miss you so! I miss you so very much! My heart feels as if it will break into a thousand pieces and my head as if it will explode! I cry and I cry and I cry more! Yesterday I cried and I am sure that is what tomorrow hold's. Then as sure as I am that I love you, I am that sure that it will end. There is emptiness and despair, right now I cannot find it in myself to replace those, but I have to.
Many people rely on my strength and although I am without it now, I will find it again, just as I always do. We are strong like that us girls! Just that line makes me smile because you said it along time ago!
This is the letter that goes with you just as does my love! I better make it good! So I just wanted you to know that I will never stop missing you....ever! I will never stop loving you! You have to take your place now to forever be honored in heaven, you got your wings mama, you got your wings, I told you! I told you so! I prayed for you on my knees the very night before you passed, guess my prayer was answered! You have graduated from this place! Now our Father in heaven gets to forever see your loving face! No more sickness no more struggle! I feel you everywhere, I hear your voice, I see your smile, I know you are here! When my time has come and I leave this earth I know that you will be waiting for me at the pearly gates! Don't forget me please!!! And for gosh sakes don't make me wait for you, you know how mad your baby girl gets when she has to wait! It's awful!
I have another angel I do! Now I really have to be on my toes huh! Like I told you hours before you passed! I am OK, you have done your job here, it is finished, it is finished! Blessed be to God!
Go to be with God mama, I will really and truly be OK, it's just going to take me a bit you know! Just give me a bit with that!
I crave to say, “It is finished,” with as few regrets as possible.I have a prayer that I might be able to say this at the end of my life! I can reflect on nothing more tragic than an unfinished life. I thank you for giving me this life, it has been so blessed and so enriched with love!
Sleep well mama, sleep well!
We adore you as we always will! See you soon!
Your loving family!
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