You Got Your Wings Mama, You Got Your Wings!!!!

Today is almost unbearable for me! I am so lost without you dear mama! So very lost! If there is anything that I can take from this positive it would be......hold the one's you love as close as you can without breaking them! You cannot have them back once they are gone. Memories are wonderful, but they can never replace holding someones hand and feeling their touch, nor can they replace loving words or the wisdom of a mother nor the love of your mother!
If I would have known that the last time I heard your voice, it would have actually been the last time, I would have told you more times how precious you were to me, how much I valued you and how glad I was that you were in my life and that I was your daughter and how blessed that made me feel more than I did! I would have held you longer and never let you go! I would have not been so upset about the trivial stuff and listened closer to your heart! I did all those things but I still feel as if it wasn't enough! I should have been there at that very moment and I wasn't, I wasn't!!!! I know you forgive me, I know I have to forgive me! That is the part that is causing my very soul to feel such anguish!
You are in my dreams, you are in my prayers and you are in my heart and I miss you so! I miss you so very much! My heart feels as if it will break into a thousand pieces and my head as if it will explode! I cry and I cry and I cry more! Yesterday I cried and I am sure that is what tomorrow hold's. Then as sure as I am that I love you, I am that sure that it will end. There is emptiness and despair, right now I cannot find it in myself to replace those, but I have to. 
Many people rely on my strength and although I am without it now, I will find it again, just as I always do. We are strong like that us girls! Just that line makes me smile because you said it along time ago!
This is the letter that goes with you just as does my love! I better make it good! So I just wanted you to know that I will never stop missing you....ever! I will never stop loving you! You have to take your place now to forever be honored in heaven, you got your wings mama, you got your wings, I told you! I told you so! I prayed for you on my knees the very night before you passed, guess my prayer was answered! You have graduated from this place! Now our Father in heaven gets to forever see your loving face! No more sickness no more struggle! I feel you everywhere, I hear your voice, I see your smile, I know you are here! When my time has come and I leave this earth I know that you will be waiting for me at the pearly gates! Don't forget me please!!! And for gosh sakes don't make me wait for you, you know how mad your baby girl gets when she has to wait! It's awful!
I have another angel I do! Now I really have to be on my toes huh! Like I told you hours before you passed! I am OK, you have done your job here, it is finished, it is finished! Blessed be to God!
Go to be with God mama, I will really and truly be OK, it's just going to take me a bit you know! Just give me a bit with that!
I crave to say, “It is finished,” with as few regrets as possible.I have a prayer that I might be able to say this at the end of my life! I can reflect on nothing more tragic than an unfinished life. I thank you for giving me this life, it has been so blessed and so enriched with love!
Sleep well mama, sleep well! 
We adore you as we always will! See you soon! 
Your loving family!

One Last Goodbye.....

Mom,
The day you died I kissed your face four times
After you died I held you close to me
I knew it would be the last time I held you for the rest of my life
You were so sick, in so much pain
That is no life
I know you were afraid to die
I hope you have found comfort
Do you remember how I held your hand and lay my head on your shoulder
Even at that moment I couldn't imagine life without you
People talk about broken hearts in songs or movies
Until that moment I had never known a true broken heart
Over and over I thought "How can I live without you?"
I watched you live, I watch you die
Every day I look up at the heavens
I know you're waiting for me
I miss you!
April 3, 2012...Never forgotten!

Letting Go

This past year 2011 has come and gone! Last time I posted anything or sat down to write was January 2011. Wow how crazy is that. But really when I honestly sit and look back, no regrets it couldn't have been done any other way. God's plan I guess.And we each have to follow that in our own way.


I have had yet another birthday, they come and go now. I am finally O.K. with that or I am finally becoming O.K. I am confident that next year it will all be an acceptable milestone to reach the age where life takes that turn. You are descending the final stretch in the road, where everything is so much more appreciated and honored then it was 30 or 40 years ago.Where you tend to just stop and appreciate everything and everybody that has touched your life in some way or the other. You learn to accept each moment as a learning experience and an occasion to grow. Something that 40 years ago I couldn't have done. 40 years ago was the time of taking everything for granted, of course there will be another tomorrow, of course or that doesn't or won't effect me, not at all. Today its now different, all so different. I now look at the world through "rose colored glasses" I guess you might say. I now think that it's not how you look at things but how you think of them that counts. It's all so different at this stage in my life. I have a more optimistic outlook on life. Things are changing and I am so much happier because of that. I can now recall very dark moments in my life where I was so pessimistic, so negative. Just another stage I had to go through to bring me to where I am at this given moment.

What I struggle with tremendously is letting go of my children. I remember when I was younger just wanting to have the perfect family, perfect husband and most perfect children imaginable. A reputable and honored desire and dream for any mother. Not rational at all, but I was younger, and the Capricorn is a very driven sign. Striving always for perfection for that need for everything to be just so. To be so called"perfect". I have always attempted to be in control at all times. Not in a bad way but in the sense that I wanted my household to run like a tight ship may we say. Everything has a place and everything is in it's place. Organizational queen. Unfortunately my children saw that and internalized it as well. I tend to beat myself up, I have always beat myself up over my mistakes, the mistakes of others, things that I couldn't control nor change, this behavior no longer has a place with me. I guess as Maya Angelou says, "when you know better, you do better." I now know that at that time in my life, I just didn't know better, I did the best that I could do at that point in my life. Very dark part of my life the, "oh my God I am not a perfect mother part!" It has been the roughest and hardest thing I have had to face in my life I think for me ever....just being able to let go and just be at peace with it. And now some 40 years later or so the peace has come!

 
Last night I had the opportunity to watch Oprah's Master Class, wonderful and inspiring series, Goldie Hawn was on, I have always just adored her. So intelligent, entertaining with a very playful personality. A favorite of mine and by what I hear is also Goldie Hawn's. An Ancient Myth, the story of Demeter the mother, letting go, and her message to mothers. And as the story goes the abduction of the beautiful Persephone is the reason behind the sweetness of Spring and the bitterness of Winter.One day this little girl of life and laughter, Persephone, was collecting flowers on the plain of Enna when the earth opened beneath her feet. Up from the gap rose Hades, grim God of the Underworld, and abducted her. And only Zeus the all seeing, knew what had happened.

Broken hearted, Demeter wandered the earth, her hair unbound, wailing into the wind, searching for her little daughter until - at last - Zeus told her what had happened.

Now Demeter was angry as well as heart broken! She demonstrated her rage by punishing the earth's inhabitants with fierce cold, bitter winds and an end to all fertility. Unless Persephone was returned, the earth would surely perish.

Finally Herakles the Hero went down to the kingdom of Hades to negotiate the return of Persephone. But, before she was released, the God of the Underworld tricked Persephone into eating six pomegranate seeds - thus she would always be connected to his realm.

For part of the year Persephone must stay in the Underworld and for part of the year she returns to her mother.

When Demeter and her daughter are together, the earth flourishes with vegetation, but, for four months of the year, when Persephone goes back to Hades, the earth is a barren realm.One important lesson from Demeter is not to place all of our life into our children. It's a trap that any mother can fall into, putting her talents of spontaneity, creativity, playfulness, wonder, curiosity, love of story and all that we call imagination into her children - forgetting that these belong also to her own inner child.

When her daughter is abducted, the loss causes Demeter to go into deep depression. A depression in which she ceases to bathe, ceases to eat, disguises her beauty, neglects her daily duties, denies her future and becomes self absorbed, angry, resentful and lost in torrents of incessant weeping.

If we hold on to our children too tightly, if we weave our lives totally around them, we are then at a loss when they mature and become independent. We can suffer very real and very deep pain. Like Demeter, our own inner child has been displaced onto our actual children.If we place all of our eggs into one basket, if a friend grows away from us, if we place all of our love into one partner and that relationship ends, we can be shattered until we realize that what has passed, has passed.We can't go back.
For everything there is a season.
And there is a time for letting go.

Grandma…Nana..Mema!

However you say it, you don’t have to say it more than once to make a grandmother melt! You don’t have to look into those sweet little eyes and not say….whatever your little heart desires! (Bad grandma!) It’s OK, it’s good to be bad! Well in this grandma’s book it is! This little guy just does me in! I think he has us all hooked! What do you do in a case like this. I can’t run, can’t hide, I guess I have to just let myself fall head over heels! How do you resist I say.

Oh and don’t you know he has his grandpa oohing and awing…..now that’s bad! Mr Rough and Tough himself broke down into tears. You just don’t think the day will come and then it’s upon you. Your baby is having a baby. Flashbacks, memories, sadness over days gone by. Happiness over happier times when they where in your arms and just that little, Awwww! Sniff, sniff!

Love these 2 people just a little wee bit! Little bitty and a new little bitty. That’s her grandma’s name for her. She loves her some Grandma!

 Little Sir Landen has captured the hearts of the Riley household and that is more than fine with us. Cry until your hearts content, make big messes until you can’t make any more, Grandma’s got your covered itty bitty like nationwide…..I’m on your side little man!

Hate Me Now…I Hope You Love Me Later!

But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows. [Luk 12:7]
Our Greatest Fear is not that We Are Inadequate,
but that We Are
Powerful Beyond Measure...
  It’s not hard to decipher what this post might be about just from the title. We have been having a vey rough time with our teen son, Mat. The baby in the family and showing it in every way. Not spoiled but just most of the time I would imagine! Not really very funny now that all hell has broke loose in our household. Mainly caused by this one little terror causing individual which I will so lovingly call, Mat!
  It’s amazing the extremes that one child who's being rebellious will go through in order to gain control of any given situation. There is screaming, cursing, displays of anger, more cursing, throwing, slamming, stomping, spitting and cursing, you are getting the cursing here right! That seems at this point a very large issue. At some points I am not sure if I have ever heard the F word used in as many combinations ever before as this child can use it in just one single sentence.
  “You are the meanest mother there ever was!” “”I hate you!” What makes individuals say these words to the ones they love the most? I guess sometimes we speak out of anger, but aren’t the most hurtful words spoken then? Thank God a mothers love is un touchable and unwavering.The longest moment in time I think is when you actually stop and think before you speak. You want to just blurt something awful out but something in your conscious says, that's just wrong, now wait a moment here. Speaking out of anger destroys the soul and the spirit. I will never say that I haven’t blurted out words that I haven’t then said, “oh my God did that just come out of my mouth?” Then later I would apologize because I know how absolutely hurtful I was being to another human being. I am not perfect, I will never be, I am human!!! I am not a perfect parent, but I am a good parent.
  You may hate me now Mat, but I sure hope you love me later. Our life is about choices. If you can make the choice to do wrong, you are also capable of making the choice to do that much good and more, not only for yourself but for others! If you can choose to disrespect me as your parent, I hope that one day you choose to respect me once again! Tough love is very hard and at times I think it is almost unbearable on a parents heart. But even worse I think, is watching a child that you would give your last breath to save, self destruct! As a mother I have questioned myself and my motives at times but I know it is what I have to do to get you to be the best individual you can be, and in that case I can stand just a little hatred. Someday you may stand in my shoes and I hope you will make the same choices that I have made, to do whatever it takes in one given moment to show your child what unconditional love really is!

"But somewhere along the line you changed you stopped being you you let people stick a finger in your face and tell you your no good and when things got hard you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know, The world aint all sunshine and rainbows its a very mean and nasty place and I dont care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it “You me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life but it ain’t about how hard your hit, its about how hard you can get hit and keep movin forward, how much you can take and keep movin forward,thats how wining will start!"

COWARDS DO THAT AND THAT AIN'T YOU, YOUR BETTER THAN THAT! YOU ARE.....POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURE! MAKE A CHANGE...MAKE A STAND! MAKE A YOU THAT COMPARES TO NO OTHER! BE PROUD OF THE LIFE YOU ARE CREATING! NOTHING CAN STOP YOU OR WHAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF....NOTHING EXCEPT FOR YOU! BE GREAT MATT, BE POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURE!

A Few Lessons More I Have Learned In This Life...For The Loves Of My Life...My Children!

(1) Never, ever give up!
You just never know what’s around the corner. Sometimes, but not always, it can be just what you may never have expected something that leaves you singing praises to God! Something that you know only God himself could have done and no one else. At times it may not always be this way but you must know that also comes with a purpose, if only to teach us to be stronger and tougher. You sometimes have to stand back and just wait for the purpose to be revealed and it will, but your heart has to be open as well as your mind! You can not learn if you are not open minded.
(2) Expect The Unexpected!
When you think that you know just what life is going to throw you and you have it all figured out, something else comes your way totally unexpected.It catches you off guard and it throws you on your a$$.I think it’s Gods little way of saying, hey now, your not dead yet, stop getting so set in your ways, let’s go, there is a lot more to be done here! At times this unexpected event can be something that again makes you question God’s plan, do not! It’s his plan not yours, remember that! Keep it sacred, your going to need it!
Stay with me here keep reading!
(3) We Never Stop Learning, Never!
Never be a know it all, your not! On this beautiful planet called earth, there is no one that knows it all from the very brightest of scientists to the discovered genius's of our times, we will never know it all. Only God himself in heaven is all knowing we must learn this. Our elders have so much to teach us but we must be willing to learn from them. The wisest beings ever known, learned not alone but from others. We must always be open to learning something new. This great concept is what makes us wise as we grow older.
(4) At Times Choose The Not So Traveled Path!
It may be just that, the not so traveled path and others may try to persuade you against it, but choose it anyways. Not always will you follow but have to make the choice to lead, you will know in your heart which is the right path because your heart always, always knows! This is why God, in his ever so awesome design, gave us this organ to work together with our mind as one. Choose it no matter the consequences, if you know that it is right and just and do not falter. Do not waiver from your path.You may have to guide your way around some obstacles but that’s all in the learning it teaches you to be willing to change and give just a little and to still accomplish your goals.
(5) Never Let Anyone Tell You That You Can’t!
You can and you know that, so don’t let someone else tell you that it is impossible (yes that is another lesson, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE, NOTHING!) It may take everything you have and at times you may thing you don’t have what it takes, you do! Don’t ever fall prey to defeat! Always give it your all, especially if it is your dream. The light bulb wasn’t invented in hours and we didn’t put a man on the moon in days and yes people said, “it was impossible!”….how do you like me now! That is what you say when you accomplish your dreams and leave everyone else standing there in heir own dust! Because there is nothing that can’t be done! It takes hard work and perseverance! You can’t stop in the middle, you must see it through till the end. How can you see the end if there is no beginning I ask?
(6) When Life Knocks You Down, Get Back Up!
When you try your hardest and give it your all and life knocks you down, stand back up brush yourself off and keep on going! Laugh your way through it, it’s just that, something to laugh about, don’t let things get you down, let them make you smile, no matter how bad they are, you are just learning, you are on your path and you are giving it your all, what could be bad? Bad is a thought we ourselves create out of a learning and living experience.If it was supposed to be all good all the time, we apparently stepped off the bus at the wrong stop and you may have to get back on and get off somewhere else, not sure where that may be.This is life and I’m sure where I’ve been standing for over 45 years, it darn straight hasn’t been easy!
(7) Nothing Is A Panic Situation!
Panic is a label we assign to any given time in our life where we are weak and just are not focused enough to be able to stop and think before we act. A moment of weakness of which I have had many! I tend to have been one who has had many moments of panic in my life. Life has taught me that there is no time for this shit, no time at all! As I age and through the love and help of those that love me so dearly, I am overcoming this weakness that I have. Because yes I am still learning myself! And yes I do still at times panic! Panic has no purpose when you consider the outcome. Nothing gets accomplished at all and anything can happen usually none of which is good. So stop and think it through if you only have seconds or minutes it may save you a lifetime of grief! No situation or great idea has ever formed out of panic. Exercise control. Your children are watching and so is everyone else.
(8) Family Is all We Have Our Most Priceless Treasure
When all is said and done there are no humans on this earth more important than these ones. No friend, no boyfriend, NOBODY! The ones that ride the storm right at your side are the ones you call your family. I’m not saying that your family is always comprised of just blood relatives because it may not be, and often is not. It is the ones that have proven themselves over and over again no matter what the cost to them but merely out of their love for you. You will always know these people. They do not just appear this way they are this way. Family will disagree with you, if they know you are going to harm yourself, no matter the cost, but merely out of love they will tell you like it is( in the great wisdom of my Aunt), God designed it this way. But family is family and families should always be our love, our strength, or support, and our rock when we are facing a storm. There should be nothing but kindness, love and mercy when it comes to the ones we love. In the same light they must prove themselves as being these things over and over again. Honest, trustworthy, unfailing, giving, loving, forgiving and supporting. These are the ones that make up our families and family members change, they come and they go but they always return when they are true!
Some of these things I may tell you, you already know, some you may have not thought of in this light. If you already know then God has blessed you and you are on the path! Some you may not and I hope I have passed on some valid truths that you may be open to incorporating into your life and thus changing it for the better, God will bless you either way, he just does that! I have learned so many things in his life and I am always learning. Its a process. Now that I am the mother of teens I sit back and just watch and listen and remember what my Aunt Peg used to call me when I was young, “Little Miss Know It All!” I was about their age and I really thought that I had it, I thought I knew it all. I have come to learn that it is part of life, it’s a phase we all go through. Beginning in the teen age years and ending God knows when. I say that because my children range in age from 13 to almost 29 yrs old. Making me just a young sweet thing as my Aunt used to say. We never stop learning, some of us just think we have it all concurred at certain points and, WE DON’T! That’s when life knocks us down and we get up and keep going.
So many times lately and in my life I have seen God’s work over and over again and seen all the above lessons played out, again and again. It never stops and it keeps on repeating and repeating as if he’s saying, you didn’t get this one right, here it is again. Or just that you know this one, lets see if you have learned your lesson from our first teaching, let’s practice it. It’s a test, the test of life. That is what it means to age and become wise. Because the best of life’s lessons are learned all along the way.And we learn that the best lessons don’t come from a book or something that you read, they come from what we learn from life and from the ones we love, from our friends and from our colleagues, our mothers, our fathers and sisters and brothers and the ones that we travel this life beside. It’s hard, it will never be easy although at times we rest and sit back and enjoy it, life’s next lesson is right around the corner, just waiting. May that be good or bad we must face it and never run from it.
I believe that my strengths come from 4 people in my life more than any, my Great Grandmother Jennie, my Dear sweet Aunt Peg and my best friend, Sara and of course my husband, Joe. They haven’t always thought I was listening but I always, always was. I may have gotten upset with them at times but  my love never failed for them, ever. They may have said something I didn’t want to hear, just as I have, but still my love never failed for them. I have learned so much as well from my mother. That strong means you just don’t give up until it is your time to give up! Just as I didn’t give up on her. I listened! Another lesson we must learn, that love is about listening with an open heart and mind. Sometimes it’s not about what we want, but about what they want, they are not always one in the same. And I believe that when people love one another they will respect these wishes and honor them. That is after all what love is.
We have been thrown a few hard balls lately, I think I caught them and I think I am dealing quite well and I think I am learning. Also we have been dealt a few Aces and we are basking in their greatness if only just for a while. My mother is talking and she is moving her right arm and her right leg….take that one and contemplate on that for awhile. Above all odds and out of the goodness and graciousness from God we have a blessing, a miracle. Yet another that I have seen in my life. All the more proof that there is a God! We are blessed and that coincidences are not just that! They are all apart of the plan. So Hospice is leaving our house for now. But in comes yet another challenge for our family, see how that goes! In comes baby booties and crying and yes teen pregnancy. Not a curse but yet just another blessing. Not part of our plan but apparently part of God’s. Its OK we can deal we are strong and we are a family and we will go on together and we will deal with it just as we always have, together. Our family will band together and will stay strong and will triumph again! I am at peace with it! My daughter is my love and my love is very precious to me and I will support her and help her to learn to also be strong and we will become strong together. Not always can I get my children to sit still, be silent and just listen to me. Sometimes it doesn’t come out just the way I had planned it to and I’m hoping that this is just how I hoped it would “roll” as they say. I hope that for a moment they can sit and just read, because boy they like to read the things on the computer. It’s not Myspace or Facebook, it’s “Mom’s Space.”And it’s Mom’s heart. It’s what I have on my mind at any given time of the day, it’s the love I have for them, each and every one of them, no matter what or when or through whatever it is they have done, as I have said before it is unfailing and unwavering, it is strong and it is a deep love for each.
What started all this was a beautiful video I saw today that brought back memories from my childhood and my great grandmother. Took me to raise me at 85 years old, talk strong, because I was family, her love never failed me. Even at the end she told me, I need you to be a big girl and to help out because I have to leave here now. I’m sick and I’m old and I’m tired, I can’t stay any longer. I guess we get that way. And she assured me that she would always be with me watching over me even from afar. Till this day I look up when I get in trouble, first to God and then to her. That is where my strength comes from. Anyways when I was little she would rock me and brush my long hair and sing to me, most often church hymns or old musicals that she had heard. So that is what started this all and I am glad. I know that she has found yet another way to reassure me that it will be OK! Everything will be OK. She used to sing this song to me as a little wee girl and I sang it to my children and here it is again!
You’ll Never Walk Alone!
When you walk through a storm
Keep your chin up high
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At he end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown.Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone,
You'll never walk alone.

Where There Is Great Love There Are Always Miracles! (Update on Mom!)

Sometimes what we least expect becomes the unexpected! We are now waiting on a miracle. Sometimes a sign of life comes in a simple grasp. A breath that shouldn't have been, or just something you never expected. I really in my mind expected my mother to just leave this earth without her dear sweet daughter grasping on to little signs of life. I expected nature to just take its course and just happen.Well then we all know there is the unexpected feelings that we all feel when that time comes. I cant bring myself to say…STOP!

Do Doctors know, do we know, of course not! Only our sweet Lord has that ability. When he says that’s it, then, that’s it! I guess it’s all in his time not ours. So many decisions, so many I wish I never had to make, ever! No pain, no suffering that is all I wish. How do you determine if something hurts if you are not in that body yourself? How do you determine if they are still in there…somewhere. Well I’m hanging on to something as simple as what I thought was the grasp of my hand.

Today is Vent weaning day! 2 days ago we failed miserably. I just couldn’t say pull it that’s enough! I just couldn’t. I’m not sure now that I can ever. WHERE THERE IS GREAT LOVE THERE ARE ALWAYS MIRACLES! I can’t seem to get that out of my mind. What if I say stop and what if I don’t fight like she is, what if it’s not time yet, what if God’s not ready for her yet? I guess we will see.Life is so full of what ifs.  It’s a wait and see game I guess. If it’s her time she will go no matter how many heroic efforts are made. She is strong enough to hit people and to yank out tubes, she knows she doesn’t want those things, well that’s what my sis says. And she is my hero and she knows it all, really she does. She is much smarter than I will ever be. She is my rock especially right now. Need some great advice ask my Sara! Because your OLDER sister is always wiser and smarter than you.

Days maybe hours…my a$$! They have no idea it’s like predicting the weather they only know what hey know and that’s not a lot. When did we get so great at doing God’s job?..we haven’t yet! Never will!  Maybe I’ll just leave it to him. I leave a lot to him.
I had to speak to 2 Doctors 2 days ago and the amount is growing. It’s amazing with all the specialist there are, that none of them know more than what they see on a picture, well pictures say a thousand words in an artists view. Huh she will prove you all wrong I think! I hope! Time, it’s all about time. So let’s see how Vent day goes. I have seen a hundred cases where you thought it was someones time and you were oh so wrong. Lord prove me wrong!

Please Lord don’t ever let me be the kind of nurse that takes someone's hand and drops it on their head repeatedly and first says, what am I doing Linda? Well hell she’s lethargic and has a vent where would you expect that answer to come from? Let’s see….Secondly if someone has severe swelling in their brain…do you think they may have a LITTLE head ache? Hum…let’s see. All that education and no common sense. If someone’s thrashing about on their bed do you think you should look in the room turn around and leave or do you think you would help? Maybe check it out? If you hear an alarm do you listen then walk away or do you act? These are pretty intense questions, I will give you a moment to answer. Shouldn’t have been hard a all. Most folks would  at least give it a shot, not our fine medical staff.

Everyone hurries away from our precious human lives as if they are nothing more than things. When this old world ends I really hope I can say that I stopped along the way to hold a hand when it was needed, or said a few words that made someone feel better inside. I hope I can say I didn’t hurry by someone in need ever. My philosophy is no one dies alone! I can’t stand the mere thought of that! It makes me cringe. I think with all the money they spend on stupid things they really need to research death and dying. I attended a really great workshop one time on the subject. Really helps me a lot now. My decisions are different than they were way back when. Hospice is an awesome organization and their business is just that…death and dying. Haven’t really thought about that whole thing a lot just yet.
Time will tell.

My favorite song by John Mayer Is Say…
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only . . .
Say what you need to say
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say!!!!

This Is What Beautiful Looks Like

These 2 have captured their mothers heart for all time.This was the girls final trip together before school started. Off to New York without mom. Just us girls, I was told. Maybe mom can go next time.They had a great time and came back laughing and smiling and closer than ever. That's what family is!