Tuesday Laughs-Late Show - Farewell to "Great Moments in Presidential Speeches

Gosh do I really miss this guy. That was very sarcastic unfortunately! He certainly was great for something.....great speeches and shoe dodger. I apologize to everyone that may have been a fan of President Bush, I was not! I certainly am glad I no longer have to hear this man give a state of the union address. You just never knew what was coming. Well here are a few (LOL) there were many that stuck out!

Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES 
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
 
EATING OUT 
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
 
MONEY 
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
*A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS 
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS 
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE 
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS 
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE 
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
 
DRESSING UP 
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. [and sometimes then only under duress]
 
NATURAL 
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
 
OFFSPRING 
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
 
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

This is kinda the mindset in our home right now. Really cute I laughed very hard right in the middle of watching my paint dry. Kinda like watching water boil. I keep checking and no it's not dry.So here I sit.Today is my day off and what am I doing playing catch up on my blog and an extensive redo on my kitchen pantry. Well it has become much greater than extensive more like overwhelming. Leave it to mother. Yikes I really have our whole organized home in total disarray. It will be worth it. I keep telling them, have faith little people. We shall overcome. They really, really don't believe me. It will be OK. So in the meantime enjoy some music and take a look around. And come back maybe even leave a comment, we love it.

TRIP TO COSTCO

 Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog
chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout
line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I
was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,
because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming
out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it
again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was
now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an
Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore..

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in
the world to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially)
to all your retired friends......it will be their Laugh for the day

(Now I just had to share this I found it this morning in an email from a friend.)
I don't think that she realizes how hard of a laugh this caused! I will be sure and tell her! We met over some free pears how crazy is that. Just shows friends are made at the most unexpected times! Mary you are so great!

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